Were moving forward

My test came back and were looking good, I can be a surrogate....YEAH! Thanks so much to everyone who kept me confident that it would be ok! Love you all!!!

The world of fertility

You know I don't know much about the infertility world. I definitely thank god for that. But yesterday as I walked into the Infertility clinic I felt I do not belong here. If the women in here knew they would chase me out with knifes.

 I laughed with the nurse on our way back to do my blood test because there were a few couples and with in a few feet I heard "there are a few follicles," "There might be a weird color discharge but no worries thats the dye," "Oh great your period started today. Ok the next step is," I laughed but as I was leaving It hurt to know that all the couples that I passed by were there desperately trying to have a baby.  I truly felt that here I am worried about one test and these families are worried 2,3, 4 test. There whole future rest on these test. And I am worried about 1 test.

Then as I am reading other blogs of friends that also have infertility issues it just hurts knowing how many people really truly have this as a trial in their life. I just wish I could carry for all of them. Or rub my good uterus ju ju all over them.  But I did read a friends blog today about how she turned it over to god and as she did she was pregnant and didn't know it. And her example had helped so many other women.  I see the miracles and the love that pours out from others during this hardship. I truly have fallen in love with the fact that us women do stick together. No matter our ability to have children.

fate is on a needle

Tomorrow is the day I do another blood test. I am hoping my infection is gone! Please pray for me to healthy and strong. Then next week I hope to have great news!

And the test or was it face slapping

First things first we need to meet the doctor then make sure I am healthy and mentally healthy enough. I set up the appointment to see the infertility doctor. Harris and I went together and the doctor described the process. At the time I had told him I also wanted to donate eggs to my friend. He told me that was a first for him to have someone who wanted to carry and donate at the same time. I did an ultrasound and everything look great and then I had a couple blood test done.

A couple days later the friend that needed a egg donation had called me and told me it was not a good time. It just broke my heart. I would love to be able to help, but with the gestational carrier coming in to play it would mean I would need to donate soon so we could move on with the Surrogacy. I love you miss K and if it works out I would love to still donate.

We had met with a counselor. We needed to make sure I was sane or Insane enough to carry someone else's child. I believe I passed but I am not sure which test I passed sane or insane.

So I thought ok everything is now going to fall into place and were going to start... Wow did I have a huge slap in the face. I am never going to say I need more patients because someone always teaches me patients. I thought ok I am going to call my doctor and remove my Birth control. I called and they said they could get me in March 24th. I just thought that is way to far away. I want to get pregnant now ( well hopefully sooner than later) So my doctors office called me back and said they could get me in February 3rd. I thought it was to soon but I will set it up and cancel if needed.

I called the lawyer right after I made the appointment to ask how long paperwork would take to see if I was jumping the gun. I guess I knew better. I got SLAPPED in the face. That's when the lawyer told me there was an issue with one of my test. Then as he tried to explain it to me I just got more worried and confused. He even explained really well for a lawyer but I am sure I went from "what" to " just tell me it doesn't matter and I still get to be a surrogate" Well I never got that answer.

My heart just sunk and my anxiety set in. I really just felt like someone had came and told me the worst news. I realized how much I want to be a surrogate. For a few days I kept looking into what the test meant and what the worst thing could happen. My mom had reminded me that I had a blessing and I was told it was my choice. That I would get to be a surrogate if I desired. It helped but it still didn't take a lot of my fear away. My anxiety just was not going away. After a couple of days I was driving myself and I am sure with talking about it over and over everyone else was ready to kick the crap out of me. Then I broke down and asked my brother in law to give me another blessing. He gave me some advise to pray with my husband  which has never happened. As a family we just started teaching our kids the meaning of prayer. He had asked me to ask if I am suppose to be a surrogate. When he said that the fear set in. I was really afraid of the answer I would get. I want to be a surrogate but what if I am not suppose to be one. Man my heart was sinking. But I sucked it up and took him up on his advise and instantly I knew I am doing exactly what I am suppose to.  I have been given the choice and the family we fell in love with and Harris had a great feeling about them also. It had all fallen into to place up to this point. It will all work out. Right?

So if everything goes as I hope they will. I will retake the test on Friday and then we will start the court proceedings. Then start a IVF cycle. I really believe that when I let things flow they flow. When I try to force or speed things up. I always get a slap in the face. I have decided I will be calm and allow this little sweetheart come to me when they are ready. When I am ready.

Getting to know with Cheescake

On our way to the CHEESECAKE factory I started to get a little nervous of who was going to be waiting for us. Then when we walked in, there was this cute sweet looking couple waiting patiently on wether they were going to meet their future baby carrier. I instantly felt so peaceful.  I knew then they were a great couple to carry for. Then we went to the table and after an amazing conversation, really hitting it off and CHEESECAKE. I wanted to tell them yes right then but I wanted to talk to Harris first. Harris has an amazing gift of really knowing people well the first time. He gets everyone right, its the crazies thing.

As we left I felt really good about it. They were going to go shopping and I wanted to stay with them because we were having so much fun. When we got in the car I asked Harris how he felt and to my surprise he really really liked them and also had a good feeling. And not because of how the lunch went but because he sometimes has a hard shell to brake. He even said to me which Harris is very quite about feelings he said " K(intended father)  is a better step father than I am."

I have been so proud of Harris. He has been so supportive.  So within minutes of walking in our door I called them back and said
" I want to be your gestational carrier" but with a little carrot cake CHEESECAKE in my belly it was not hard to say yes to.