And the test or was it face slapping

First things first we need to meet the doctor then make sure I am healthy and mentally healthy enough. I set up the appointment to see the infertility doctor. Harris and I went together and the doctor described the process. At the time I had told him I also wanted to donate eggs to my friend. He told me that was a first for him to have someone who wanted to carry and donate at the same time. I did an ultrasound and everything look great and then I had a couple blood test done.

A couple days later the friend that needed a egg donation had called me and told me it was not a good time. It just broke my heart. I would love to be able to help, but with the gestational carrier coming in to play it would mean I would need to donate soon so we could move on with the Surrogacy. I love you miss K and if it works out I would love to still donate.

We had met with a counselor. We needed to make sure I was sane or Insane enough to carry someone else's child. I believe I passed but I am not sure which test I passed sane or insane.

So I thought ok everything is now going to fall into place and were going to start... Wow did I have a huge slap in the face. I am never going to say I need more patients because someone always teaches me patients. I thought ok I am going to call my doctor and remove my Birth control. I called and they said they could get me in March 24th. I just thought that is way to far away. I want to get pregnant now ( well hopefully sooner than later) So my doctors office called me back and said they could get me in February 3rd. I thought it was to soon but I will set it up and cancel if needed.

I called the lawyer right after I made the appointment to ask how long paperwork would take to see if I was jumping the gun. I guess I knew better. I got SLAPPED in the face. That's when the lawyer told me there was an issue with one of my test. Then as he tried to explain it to me I just got more worried and confused. He even explained really well for a lawyer but I am sure I went from "what" to " just tell me it doesn't matter and I still get to be a surrogate" Well I never got that answer.

My heart just sunk and my anxiety set in. I really just felt like someone had came and told me the worst news. I realized how much I want to be a surrogate. For a few days I kept looking into what the test meant and what the worst thing could happen. My mom had reminded me that I had a blessing and I was told it was my choice. That I would get to be a surrogate if I desired. It helped but it still didn't take a lot of my fear away. My anxiety just was not going away. After a couple of days I was driving myself and I am sure with talking about it over and over everyone else was ready to kick the crap out of me. Then I broke down and asked my brother in law to give me another blessing. He gave me some advise to pray with my husband  which has never happened. As a family we just started teaching our kids the meaning of prayer. He had asked me to ask if I am suppose to be a surrogate. When he said that the fear set in. I was really afraid of the answer I would get. I want to be a surrogate but what if I am not suppose to be one. Man my heart was sinking. But I sucked it up and took him up on his advise and instantly I knew I am doing exactly what I am suppose to.  I have been given the choice and the family we fell in love with and Harris had a great feeling about them also. It had all fallen into to place up to this point. It will all work out. Right?

So if everything goes as I hope they will. I will retake the test on Friday and then we will start the court proceedings. Then start a IVF cycle. I really believe that when I let things flow they flow. When I try to force or speed things up. I always get a slap in the face. I have decided I will be calm and allow this little sweetheart come to me when they are ready. When I am ready.