long time!!!

I keep looking at my blog and thinking I am so boring right now! There is nothing really excited to report. Everyone keeps asking "WHAT IS GOING ON or are you pregnant?!?  I tell you what I am just as anxious for some dates. As of right now, I really have no Idea. The Dr. told me Aunt Flow would visit with in 2 weeks and now its been 3.5 weeks.  On June 11, I had some spotting for 1 day and that was 7 days after no drugs in my system. But since then ...... NOTHING!  My suspicion is that  my spotting was AF and due to my short lining it was a very light period. So if I am right AF will visit on July 9th, next weekend. Then I will call the clinic and if nothing else fails maybe a end of July TRANSFER!!!

Luck me!

Wow 30 Followers!!!!


Well 30 that I can see, I know there is lots more friends reading my blog. Thank you to all of you for making me feel so special.  I really love all the support from close and far away friends!! I am a very lucky girl!!!

Its a NO Go

I went in for my Ultrasound this morning and we will be putting off the transfer for now.  Lining had actually gone down and we needed it up. I have my sad moments today that we didn't get to do it when hoped and I read another blog that she might be doing hers in the next few days and before I thought I would be in before her and now I am way after. And also the what if's?!?  But I really feel good about a Natural cycle. I feel like Its time to stop waisting time and move on to the next step. The Dr. did say I could try for a few more days but My lining has been around the same for almost 2 weeks. Its not going to change. I really feel that My body hated the drugs.

I have never, NEVER had any issues getting pregnant. I truly could get pregnant if I look at my husband. So I will be keeping my thoughts high. This baby will come when its time. I really do believe that. I just sometimes wish I had a fortune teller to tell me it will happen.

So next step is to stock up on paper product because Aunt flo is really disgustingly messy. I never thought I would Pray for Aunt flo to visit, she is such a pain in my backside. But I really want her to visit soon :) Then we'll start the monitoring again.

Today I also met some other local Surrogates and it was so good to hear their stories. As bad as it sounds I loved hearing their not so successful stories. It just made me feel that I'm normal and this is a long and a lot of time not a simple easy process. I am very thankful for their support they gave me today. It came at a perfect time!

The unexpected

Im Stumped! I don't know what to say. The last couple days have been really emotional. I went in yesterday to get my Ultra sound with high hopes of getting good news but in the back of my mind I kept thinking don't tell me if its not thicker. Like in some way if they don't say it, it wouldn't be true ;( I waited so anxiously and it felt like forever. I kept thinking come in here tell me so I can move on.  He came in and the worst at that moment happened.  I went from my uterus being at a 5 on Saturday to yesterday being a 5.3. Its suppose to be about 8.  I know this is just a bump in the road and things will happen maybe even better, but when you expect it will be one way it will crush you.  As the Dr. was telling what to do. He was saying that I need to stop my meds they will freeze the eggs and we'll try next cycle. Maybe we could do a natural cycle. I just looked at him trying to keep my composure and I said oh I feel so bad, I lost it!  Tears were falling off my face. I felt like I had purposefully went out and hurt my IP and now I have to call them and devastate them.   I just loved the Dr and the nurse they put their arm around me and said its ok. I fell in love with this clinic at that moment. I know I'm not the first or last person that will cry in their office but I'm crying over a thin lining and we still get to try. This is not the worst that can happen and they still were comforting me.  

So I left the clinic and I called the IP's oh I tried to sniff it all up and be strong but when I heard her voice I felt so bad. My IM is so sweet she was so strong saying its ok, It will happen when it should, etc. But I kept thinking I know she is being strong for me but this has got to devastate her also. Then I just felt so bad. Here I am the Surrogate I'm not suppose to have the issues. But at the same time I am glad its me! I am glad that its something that can be fixed and its not the end. If it were her than it could be the end.
But as the day went on. I received the call that would help a lot. It was the Dr. he said he doesn't want to give up. He talked with the other dr's and they decided to take me off Lupron. Thinking maybe Lupron has shut down more than it should and I'll take Vitamin E and estrogen still. I go in again on Saturday. They may still need to freeze but they are going to try to get me there by next week. If not we will try a natural cycle. My body just may not like the drugs.

But on a good note Egg retrieval  was today and I haven't talk to her I did get a text that there are 18 eggs...YEAH!!!!! She is still drugged up so I don't have all the story but it so far great news!!!