The unexpected

Im Stumped! I don't know what to say. The last couple days have been really emotional. I went in yesterday to get my Ultra sound with high hopes of getting good news but in the back of my mind I kept thinking don't tell me if its not thicker. Like in some way if they don't say it, it wouldn't be true ;( I waited so anxiously and it felt like forever. I kept thinking come in here tell me so I can move on.  He came in and the worst at that moment happened.  I went from my uterus being at a 5 on Saturday to yesterday being a 5.3. Its suppose to be about 8.  I know this is just a bump in the road and things will happen maybe even better, but when you expect it will be one way it will crush you.  As the Dr. was telling what to do. He was saying that I need to stop my meds they will freeze the eggs and we'll try next cycle. Maybe we could do a natural cycle. I just looked at him trying to keep my composure and I said oh I feel so bad, I lost it!  Tears were falling off my face. I felt like I had purposefully went out and hurt my IP and now I have to call them and devastate them.   I just loved the Dr and the nurse they put their arm around me and said its ok. I fell in love with this clinic at that moment. I know I'm not the first or last person that will cry in their office but I'm crying over a thin lining and we still get to try. This is not the worst that can happen and they still were comforting me.  

So I left the clinic and I called the IP's oh I tried to sniff it all up and be strong but when I heard her voice I felt so bad. My IM is so sweet she was so strong saying its ok, It will happen when it should, etc. But I kept thinking I know she is being strong for me but this has got to devastate her also. Then I just felt so bad. Here I am the Surrogate I'm not suppose to have the issues. But at the same time I am glad its me! I am glad that its something that can be fixed and its not the end. If it were her than it could be the end.
But as the day went on. I received the call that would help a lot. It was the Dr. he said he doesn't want to give up. He talked with the other dr's and they decided to take me off Lupron. Thinking maybe Lupron has shut down more than it should and I'll take Vitamin E and estrogen still. I go in again on Saturday. They may still need to freeze but they are going to try to get me there by next week. If not we will try a natural cycle. My body just may not like the drugs.

But on a good note Egg retrieval  was today and I haven't talk to her I did get a text that there are 18 eggs...YEAH!!!!! She is still drugged up so I don't have all the story but it so far great news!!!