Thicker thoughts

Yesterday I had a Ultrasound and my Uterus needs a little talking too! She is being very disobedient, and not growing like they would like her to.  So I have to give her more estrogen. They want me ready by Egg retrieval which is looking like Wednesday.

 I have to double my estrogen dose.  Which after my Anger last week I need to warn all of you to be nice to me. I don't want to cry or punch you!!! LOL!!!

YOu need a smack down!!!

So I will blame it on Hormones.  Today a girl was really mean to me but man I got mad enough I wanted to punch her pretty little face in.  So today they were having free gas at a gas station and my husband works for vendor that was sponsoring it. So I thought hey I'll try to get some free gasoline. ( Hey we all could use it with these crazy gas prices) plus my husband was going to be there. So I drive up and its Crazy, cars every were! So I pulled up to one of my husbands Co-workers and said Hi, then said hey hook me up. Well the girl standing next to him that works for the product says " You can get in the back of the line and wait like everyone else" then she turns around. Oh I thought of words a lady should never think of. LOL!!! 

I never get this mad, I get offended but I never want to punch someone pretty little face in :) Today I did :) And this girl works with my husband!!!! 

This kind of reminded me of the time we were in Disneyland I was pregnant with Londyn and we had stayed in a kids suite. It was 9 am we had kids from my aunt, mom and our kids that were excited to get to Disneyland. The kids were running down the hall and a guy opens his room door and says " you guys need to shut up were sleeping in here" with out hesitation I turned around and said """"""" YOU! 

Lets just say Im bipolar when Im pregnant and I felt that mad today :) Man sometimes it feels really good to say how you truly want to say when someones rude!  So BE NICE TO ME IM hormonal!!!! Dang drugs!!! ROFLOL :) now I'm laughing at myself :) 

Never thought diapers would make me cry

 I love this commercial . Every time I see it come on I tear up. Man I am such a baby :) lol  I love the preemie at the end it reminds me of my Quad niece and nephews. They were born at 27 weeks and they had those cute cute bug eyes.  Then of course love the surrogate. Ok I just love the whole dang thing!!!

As the date gets closer

It actually still feels so far away even though its next week. But this last week I have had a little more emotions/feelings about Gestational Surrogacy. I believe it because I am getting a little more involved. I have had this blog for 4 months now and I actually just shared it on FB. I went from 3 followers to 24 in 3 days. Thanks for all your support.   I have belonged on a Surro support group online for 4 months also but I never written anything on it until 4 days ago. I am really realizing that I want the support but then I hear sad stories like one Gestation surrogate  was told by her Intended parents that  they want to cease all contact with her after she already carried their baby. Though I have not heard both sides of the story it still brings worry to me.  It broke my heart!

I am sure my worries comes from some very recent pain of friendships.  I am very giving person and I think of what others need before my needs and sometimes its not a good thing at all. In fact sometimes I think people can see in black magic marker "Im gullible" on my forehead. I always believe everyone is honest and would never want to hurt me. Well guess what it all ways  seems to bite my butt!!! I always say that " I'm done, I want to be less caring". But then I hear my dear friend telling me. I better NOT ever change or she'll kick my ass! Lets just say I am more scared of that. Thanks Jenny :)

As I heard this story, I thought maybe I shouldn't be reading this. It really broke my heart.  But then I realized maybe I needed too and I got up some courage.  I called my Intended Parents and talked to the mom. I brought up that we had talked about contact after child is born before at our first meeting. I had the impression they agreed with me. But I never really got their opinion on this subject.  I had told them I would like to be Aunt Jen.  What I mean by that is a friend of the family. You know spoil them all with Birthday gifts but don't have to be there everyday. I don't want to raise this baby in anyway. But I would love to know if every one is well. And I have a very special place for them, all of them.  Even the rest of the family I have not met yet.  As we were talking it was so nice to hear her opinion. We talked about concerns and thoughts. But it felt really nice to hear that we have a life long bond.  I really think I have the best Intended Parents.

I love all my friendships and I take them very seriously. When it comes down to life changing experiences I take it more serious. I am a volunteer/coordinator  photographer for Now I Lay me Down to Sleep. They are a non-profit organization of photographers that take pictures of Stillborn or infant/child loss. Now I lay me down to sleep has changed my life. With every hospital room I walk into I fall in love with that family. I really have great relationships with many of my families.  So I don't feel any different about this life changing experience.  Sorry now I feel like Im rambling on about why I feel this way. I guess I just wanted to write about it and this blog is for this.   right?  Thanks for listening :)

Im more of a women now

.... Well not really but I'm taking estrogen now.  Lets build a nice lining for a baby to comforted and grow!!

We are now down to the last couple of weeks before transfer and its getting more real to me. I went in yesterday for an Ultrasound and as the Dr. got ready to leave he said " it all looks well lets start stimulation" It made my heart skip a beat. Its all happening and I could be pregnant in as little as 2 weeks. As I talk to the Intended mom I can just hear the excitement of what they have to look forward to. I am so honored I get to do this for them. I am getting a little more worried about the outcome. There is just so many scenario's that can happen. And all I want to be able to do is give them a healthy baby to love.

Thanks so much for all my support and sweet comments Its so nice to hear that people think what Im doing something amazing. I really think Surrogacy is amazing and I love that I have this opportunity to it. Thank you!!!

video

I watched this video and I really liked it.  Thought I would share.
Two men discuss infertility

My stud muffin...LOL

My Husband and I have a bit of a weird relationship according to others. My husband is always making jokes in fact his jokes usually involve me in it or is the punch line. When he first started his current job, he had told all these jokes that made them believe I was a 500 pounds, Zits from head to toe and with NO brain.  Then when I met one of his co- workers He had said " THATS YOUR WIFE!!!!" I think he loves watching reactions people give him as he talks so horribly about me. And the the reactions when they meet me.  I don't think Im a hottie but Im don't look the way he perceives me to be. It makes me laugh.

The other day some one asked me how I can you stand him. Then as night went on and his jokes were flying I was flying back with just as mean comebacks. By the end of the night The same person said I was perfect for my Dork of man.. he he he.

When we were at the clinic we got the nurse into our jokes. She even said I would need my boyfriend to pick me up the day of transfer. But we have decided it would be my girlfriend picking me up..he he he

This week I keep thinking about our relationship and how on the outside people may think we don't love each other but in our home he is the perfect prince... well close too :)  We are very close but  we get to be ourselves.  He gets to do what he wants which is play basketball 4-5 times a week. And me I get to have babies when I want or someone else's baby. He doesn't even have any concern or worries.  I love that he trust me.   I am very smitten by his dorkness.  I love how calm,  caring, and how dedicated he is to his life and our famly. I am very lucky to have such a stud muffin Dork in my life.  Love you babe!!!!

Loves and support for a friend!!

My very best Jenny has had her fare share of struggles of getting her very own spitting up, crying,  pooping baby. It is Time for her to show what an amazing Mother she is.  She is the most loving caring MOTHERLY beautiful sweetheart I know. I love You so much Jenny!!! I want more than anything for you to hold a baby that ruin all your clothes due to bodily fluids :)

  We never thought together we would go through the IVF process together. But here we are!!!!!  She is traveling and  getting ready to do her egg retrieval by this weekend then transfer early next week. Please keep her and her Honey in your thoughts and prayers.

P.s. Also pray for her doggies, they will miss her dearly :)

spilled milk

Today is Day 4 of Lupron, I have no Idea if its why I am crying over everything.  But I am CRYING OVER EVERYTHING!!!!! LOL

And were off

Today was a really big day. I started Lupron today...yeah!!! Then I got a call today from the cutest Intended mom ever and she said the Judge is ok with what were doing and he signed the papers...yeah!!!!

So here we go, we are shooting for a June 5th transfer.  My aunt keeps asking me if I'm scared and I'm not at all. I am not scared of shots or of being able to hand the baby over to his/her mommy and daddy.  But as she asked I realized I could be pregnant in a month! Reality hit and I am not even nervous.