It actually still feels so far away even though its next week. But this last week I have had a little more emotions/feelings about Gestational Surrogacy. I believe it because I am getting a little more involved. I have had this blog for 4 months now and I actually just shared it on FB. I went from 3 followers to 24 in 3 days. Thanks for all your support. I have belonged on a Surro support group online for 4 months also but I never written anything on it until 4 days ago. I am really realizing that I want the support but then I hear sad stories like one Gestation surrogate was told by her Intended parents that they want to cease all contact with her after she already carried their baby. Though I have not heard both sides of the story it still brings worry to me. It broke my heart!
I am sure my worries comes from some very recent pain of friendships. I am very giving person and I think of what others need before my needs and sometimes its not a good thing at all. In fact sometimes I think people can see in black magic marker "Im gullible" on my forehead. I always believe everyone is honest and would never want to hurt me. Well guess what it all ways seems to bite my butt!!! I always say that " I'm done, I want to be less caring". But then I hear my dear friend telling me. I better NOT ever change or she'll kick my ass! Lets just say I am more scared of that. Thanks Jenny :)
As I heard this story, I thought maybe I shouldn't be reading this. It really broke my heart. But then I realized maybe I needed too and I got up some courage. I called my Intended Parents and talked to the mom. I brought up that we had talked about contact after child is born before at our first meeting. I had the impression they agreed with me. But I never really got their opinion on this subject. I had told them I would like to be Aunt Jen. What I mean by that is a friend of the family. You know spoil them all with Birthday gifts but don't have to be there everyday. I don't want to raise this baby in anyway. But I would love to know if every one is well. And I have a very special place for them, all of them. Even the rest of the family I have not met yet. As we were talking it was so nice to hear her opinion. We talked about concerns and thoughts. But it felt really nice to hear that we have a life long bond. I really think I have the best Intended Parents.
I love all my friendships and I take them very seriously. When it comes down to life changing experiences I take it more serious. I am a volunteer/coordinator photographer for Now I Lay me Down to Sleep. They are a non-profit organization of photographers that take pictures of Stillborn or infant/child loss. Now I lay me down to sleep has changed my life. With every hospital room I walk into I fall in love with that family. I really have great relationships with many of my families. So I don't feel any different about this life changing experience. Sorry now I feel like Im rambling on about why I feel this way. I guess I just wanted to write about it and this blog is for this. right? Thanks for listening :)