Im 22 weeks!!!!!!

He is big enough now that I watch my belly ripple as he kicks, hiccups and does summersaults.

Its so crazy for me to think I am past the half way point and Im only a couple weeks away that (heaven forbid) if he were born he is considered viable. I love hitting these milestones.  

Its kinda crazy to analyze some of my thoughts. I forget Im pregnant all the time. I have people ask you're having another one,  how far along are you , etc. and it will catch me off guard almost as if I have a big belly with no baby in it and that person just stuck their foot in their mouth.  Sometimes when he kicks for a split second I think what was that. When I see Ultrasounds It seems as if it's my friends belly and I'm there for support. Its so hard to explain but I hear that other surrogates see it the same way. Ive even wondered can this baby feel that the connection that is not there. I hope he know how much he is loved. 

Thank you to Erin with Pink Daffodil photography for taking this photo
www.pinkdaffodilphot.com

Happy Halloweenie

Since Halloween I have been kinda keeping my mouth shut about this day.  I wanted My IP's to tell who they wanted to before I spill the beans. We went to our Ultrasound and found out they are going to have a BOY!!!!!



















Then later I met up with my sweet good friend. She is also a surrogate. We met thought a local surrogate group. We have become good friends and we have very similar stories.  We are due a couple days apart. We didn't even plan on having the same Halloween costume. Great pregnant surrogates think alike!!!!

Little couple

I am so sorry it takes me forever to post to my blog.  Every day I think of something I would like to write about but then my bed looks way more comfortable. I am still really tired but I can tell my energy is slowly returning... YEAH!!!  I am not nauseous constantly like I was a week ago but I have to eat like every five minutes or I get nauseous.  I think I will gain 1,000 lbs this pregnancy :)

Monday we are going to our next Dr. appointment and also were going to find out what kind of body parts this child has. Hopefully for halloween is not dressed in a transgender costume.  So on Monday I will let you know if its a Happy Halloweenie or not. Also I have the cutest halloween costume that im excited to share with ya.

But I also wanted to share this blog post from Jen on The Little couple. I always miss their show and now Im so sad because I realized today as I was in my bed watching  t.v. I saw their commercial for their season finally. They are going to find out if their surrogate is pregnant. I had no Idea they were using a surrogate. I think I will be glued to their show now.  I came across a blog that Jen wrote on the TLC website and I just fell in love with her. What a beautiful women! I hope the very best for them and their Surrogate. TLC Jen's Blog

Sweet Rolls

I am so sorry for never posting. I have been so tired and I keep starting post but then I fall asleep. And to be honest I thought nobody really reads this.  My blog is just not that fun and all my fun Ideas are to far to reach because I can barely lift my arms. Well I have been yelled at a couple times because somebody wants to read my blog and I am not updating it. I am so sorry to my readers I will get much better. Now that I am almost out of 1st trimester I should feel a little like myself again.



















I started writing this, this morning and again had to walk away due to lack of energy.  But I am amazed I didn't take a nap and I feel ok and Im not nauseous!  When I woke up today I started craving sweets. I wanted a sweet roll from Village Baker. Sweets have not been my friend. In fact its made me sicker. But Today I am finally feeling satisfied!

Today I am 11.2 weeks. I can't believe how time is flying. I am getting a little more nervous planning for whats to come. Its more real that I have to deliver this baby. I have a lot of the same fears when I'm pregnant with my own but at the same time these fears are so different. I have an Idea of how delivery will go and my feelings I will have. I really see this beautiful day with lots of emotions but witnessing so many miracles and blessings. I dream of this day often. But I have really had to put myself in a place that it may not go the way I see it. I have to plan for the worst but so hope for the best.

A couple weeks ago my mom and I played on an Ultrasound machine. This baby is getting so big. It was so sweet to see it kicking and punching me.  As I was looking at the Ultrasound I kept trying to understand what I was feeling. I was looking at this baby in MY belly, yet it didn't feel like my belly I was looking at. But I was so excited seeing all the movement and a strong heartbeat.  Then as we got a shot that the baby was waving its sweet little hands at me. I said " oh its waving at aunt Jen" I realized I saw this Ultrasound as if I was aunt Jen or a close friend. I love this baby but I defiantly don't see it as mine. It's been very Interesting feeling these emotions.

The first picture is the waving hand. The second is the spine.

5 days to late... Sorry!

I have been really bad at updating or doing anything for that matter lately! This sleepiness is getting the best of me.  We had our Ultrasound on Monday. It was a great day the Intended mommy and daddy, and my mommy came. We got there and of course because I was nervous the clinic was running a little late. But I forgave instantly when we saw a perfect heartbeat of  ONE  cute baby. 

I was a little shocked, I think I thought it would be twins. I kinda got a little sad until I felt relieved the thought that bed rest or premature labor was most likely not going to happen now. I am very happy for  my family. I think this baby is going to be so loved and I am so excited for their blessings they will recieve because of this Cute little peanut. 

The belly

I really haven't known what to think about this belly.  I really woke up and it was there one day and its getting bigger. I am only 7 weeks pregnant on tuesday. I am not very fond of it.  Non of my clothes fit, it's embarrassing to tell people, ya Im only 6 weeks after they notice on their own there is a belly on me.  I've been looking at a few maternity clothes or bigger clothes but bigger clothes won't fit long and maternity clothes, I haven't even seen a heartbeat I don't want to move to fast.  I am also am a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. We take pictures of Infant or child loss. The other day I could not find a photographer for two Angels.  So I tried on everything I had to hide it so I could go. I don't own a lot of bigger clothes I like tighter less clothing especially in summer.   It was the one day in my life I wanted people to think I was fat not pregnant.  I can't take pictures for these moms that just lost their  baby while I am flaunting my pregnant belly. Its just not fair to them and the pain they are going through.   As I tried to hide it I walked into the hospital and a nurse I knew said "Jen are you?" as she looked at my belly. She had no idea I was doing Surrogacy. So I think I'll be taking a brake from my Angels :( Which I am so sad about!!!

8/21/11 6 weeks 6 days

Here is a picture to compare, This picture was taken 10 days before the transfer.





















Today is my first Ultrasound hopefully we see great heartbeat(s). I am really excited! I might start really liking the belly after.

6 Weeks

This post is a tad late, I am 6 weeks and 3 days now. I wrote this the other day but I wanted to post a belly pic with it but I am not feeling so photogenic this week. I will get one up soon because I'm looking preggo. I have been nauseous and so sleepy. Wow I fall asleep looking at the computer. Today has been a little rough I woke up with a little old blood. I have never bleed in any of my pregnancies so it a little nerve racking.  Its since gone away but I have had kind of a crampy feeling. So hopefully all is well and we will see heartbeats on Monday.
















*This week's major developments: 


*The nose, mouth, and ears are beginning to take shape.


*Baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. 


*The ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. 


*His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute


 *Blood is beginning to course through his body. 


*The intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. 


*The pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. 


*K and J's baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil.

Beta is in :)

584!!!!! 

Here is a list of other Surro's #s on a 12 day past a 5 day transfer.  So who knows It could 1,2, 3, or 4  :) 

SINGLETON: 46, 58, 72, 89, 97, 104, 113.6, 126, 161, 212, 223, 226, 252, 298, 300, 325, 340, 342, 351, 376, 416, 423, 430, 503, 505, 526, 566, 580, 634, 699, 709, 857
TWINS: 389, 408, 428, 451, 518.6, 653, 688, 688, 741, 746, 774, 766, 824, 969, 971, 1021, 1045, 1108, 1149, 1155, 1250, 1507, 1554, 1663, 1709, 1685, 2065, 2408, 2783, 3833
TRIPS: 333, 473, 746, 801, 1017, 1129, 2085, 3028
QUADS: 215

Whats your guess??? Humor me and Guess on the right side :) 


Our Ultrasound is August 22nd!

What will it be?

Here I am at 6 Am wondering why I am awake.  I should be sleeping but my Beta is today and for some reason I am really nervous. You would think after 30 positive test, Nausea, a 15 week belly and a missed period would mean I am pregnant. right? For some reason Im scared of a low number and Im scared of a high number.  I am afraid of it working out but also afraid of a litter. This is all so nerve-racking.  I will let you know when I hear!!!

babies or fat?

Brennon my 4 year old was rubbing my belly as I was curling my hair today and he ask " Mom is there babies in here or are you fat?"

Well Brennon I believe it fat  but yes buddy there are babies/baby in there!
I have a pooch but seriously I woke up yesterday looking 5 months pregnant. My body must know what to do. This is my 5th pregnancy. But maybe I will lay off the hamburgers and fries from Five guys.
                                                                  

OH ya don't let my HOTNESS take your breath away!  I cant help it with my ponytail, yoga pants and my white bra strap hanging out! 

HOW MANY IN 24 HOURS?

All I can say is How many can you take in 24 hours?

13 That is!!!!!
Some of them are hard to see but lines are all there!!! Congrats to my IP's!!! 


P.s. the 4dp5dt is 4 days after transfer and How many days past embryos retrieval they were 5 days old. 

Patriotic baby

Wednesday when I went into the clinic we did not see my egg in my ovary anymore,  I had ovulated. Then we knew transfer date would be July 24th.  If there is a baby in my belly we will have a patriotic baby. My Period started on July 4th then we transferred on July 24th (Utah's Birthday) This baby likes fireworks..lol

As sunday came along I was so busy I didn't have much time to think about Transfer which was awesome. It didn't even hit me till we were driving to the clinic. 

We had our appointment at 1 and I needed to have a full bladder but of course I needed to pee at 12:30 so I then started loading up on the fluids again. When we got there my cute IP"S were there ready to get the show on the road. I could tell my Intended daddy was excited but very nervous. It was very sweet! They gave me Valium then we headed back to change. Into our Hot and sexy Transfer outfits. My Ip's were just as cute in their yellow gowns and blue hats and shoe covers. My Intended mom had high heels under her blue shoe covers, I wondered how she could walk. I would fall flat on my face!! 

So after we got our photo shoot out of the way (which Im mad I didn't put my flash on :( ) we went into the OR. They wanted to start but my bladder was not full yet so the Dr. went and did another surgery by the time the were ready to come back I had to PEE! I really thought I would pee on the Dr. especially with an Ultrasound wand on my belly. So I had to pee just a little bit then come back to the stirrups.  Then it was time KNOCK ME UP!!!  The embryologist came in to tell us about the embryos and Im thinking due to Valium and holding pee in I only heard one embryo completely hatched.  I had to call my IM and ask her the rest after I was not loopy. She said " 1 hatched completely and one was hatching as we transferred." Then when we were done my husband had to ask the Dr. How he felt about him knocking up his wife.  Leave it to my handsome dork to make everyone laugh. After I came home after and laid in bed and now Im still being very lazy!  So now the dreaded wait till pee on stick time :)!!! Oh i'm nervous!!!!  

Jinx and Sunday smiles!

I have been having a hard time updating my blog. I have wanted to but I keep felling like if I tell the world its working it will fail. I am sure its stupid but Im nervous. 

We are doing a complete natural cycle with no meds at all. So we needed to wait for me to ovulate. On Friday day 12 of my cycle I went in to get Blood work and Ultrasound.  I really truly was peeing my pants before the doctor came in.  I wanted more than anything to get news that my Uterus was over a 5.   It was a 8.9!! WooHoo!!!  I had a 12mm follicle and it needs to get to about 20mm before ovulation. The Doctor thought I had about 4-5 more days before I would ovulate.  

I went in on Sunday and I had a nurse do my Ultrasound and she got a 10 on my Uterus lining. And my follicle was 17mm. She made my day during my Ultrasound and she asked me " How old are you?" When I told her I was 31 she then replied " Wow your fertile, you have 11 follicles on your right side. A lot of women barely get that after drugs to help stimulate." I knew I was fertile given my past but after a couple of months ago and me being the reason the cycle failed my confidents had drifted away. 

The clinic called later Sun. afternoon and asked me to take the Ovulation test  every time I peed. My LH surge had went up from a 4 on Friday to 13 on Sunday. They thought that maybe I surge on Sunday.  A 15 is surging.  But of course to drive me crazy and 4 test later all I got was a big fat negative.  I thought for sure monday (yesterday) morning it would have a pretty smile on the test... NOPE another dang negative. I had my Ultrasound at 8:30am and I took my test at 6:30am and my Ultrasound said my follicle was 18.9 and my lining was 8.??. Later yesterday I called curious what my LH levels were at. The nurse told they were 22.. WHAT??? 15 is a LH surge and I got a negative 2 hours earlier.  I came home and peed my heart out and I  got this pretty little smile...

 

When you finally get a smiley face you should hopefully ovulate 24-36 hours.  I must have surged within the 2 hours. Crazy!! 

Today I went in again and my lining was still in the 8's. Im thinking the 10 was a miss read. My follicle was still there and it was 21.3mm now. So if my follicle is no longer showing on Ultrasound tomorrow they will know I have ovulated. And if so Transfer is Sunday.... HOPEFULLY!!!!  

sigh of relief!!

OK I will try to keep my ovaries away from young children. I defiantly don't want any child choking on them. I could never live with myself. LOL!

Ok back to the point, I am so proud of my Uterus. I went in today to have my first lining check. My Uterus lining was a ..... Drum roll........ 

8.9

They had checked my follicles. My largest one was 12mm so the Dr. is thinking I will ovulate in about 4 days. The Day I ovulate and as long as all else works we will be hoping for a Transfer 5-6 days later. 

This has given me a nice sigh of relief,  now its the hope for the next step!!! 

Amazon has my vote!

I am so impressed with Amazon right now! I needed to buy ovulation test and the clinic had recommended using the easy to read clearblue. So I started the investigation of saving a little money and I found 7 test for $16 and as I went to buy the seller had a $8 dollar shipping and it would not get here on time. I took a trip to Walmart and and 7 test were $25 dollars and 20 test were $35. Then yesterday I tried Amazon again and I saw these, They were $27 dollars with free 2 day shipping. I ordered them last night at 5 oclock Mountain time thinking they will be here monday.

I woke up to an email this morning at 12 am saying my package had been shipped. 11 am they were at my door. They came from Kentucky! What the heck does Amazon have magic wands!!  What ever their magic was to get them here today?!?! It made me so impressed!

Natural here we come....

So AF visited on the 4th, It was great we celebrated with Fireworks. (LOL)  I went in today to have an Ultrasound, I was a little nervous. After having sad news the last few ultrasounds I was a little worried about this time around. But it wen't really well. My Uterus lining was a 4, it was perfect ( although I knew I could do the low lining part just fine) and my ovaries looked great.

long time!!!

I keep looking at my blog and thinking I am so boring right now! There is nothing really excited to report. Everyone keeps asking "WHAT IS GOING ON or are you pregnant?!?  I tell you what I am just as anxious for some dates. As of right now, I really have no Idea. The Dr. told me Aunt Flow would visit with in 2 weeks and now its been 3.5 weeks.  On June 11, I had some spotting for 1 day and that was 7 days after no drugs in my system. But since then ...... NOTHING!  My suspicion is that  my spotting was AF and due to my short lining it was a very light period. So if I am right AF will visit on July 9th, next weekend. Then I will call the clinic and if nothing else fails maybe a end of July TRANSFER!!!

Luck me!

Wow 30 Followers!!!!


Well 30 that I can see, I know there is lots more friends reading my blog. Thank you to all of you for making me feel so special.  I really love all the support from close and far away friends!! I am a very lucky girl!!!

Its a NO Go

I went in for my Ultrasound this morning and we will be putting off the transfer for now.  Lining had actually gone down and we needed it up. I have my sad moments today that we didn't get to do it when hoped and I read another blog that she might be doing hers in the next few days and before I thought I would be in before her and now I am way after. And also the what if's?!?  But I really feel good about a Natural cycle. I feel like Its time to stop waisting time and move on to the next step. The Dr. did say I could try for a few more days but My lining has been around the same for almost 2 weeks. Its not going to change. I really feel that My body hated the drugs.

I have never, NEVER had any issues getting pregnant. I truly could get pregnant if I look at my husband. So I will be keeping my thoughts high. This baby will come when its time. I really do believe that. I just sometimes wish I had a fortune teller to tell me it will happen.

So next step is to stock up on paper product because Aunt flo is really disgustingly messy. I never thought I would Pray for Aunt flo to visit, she is such a pain in my backside. But I really want her to visit soon :) Then we'll start the monitoring again.

Today I also met some other local Surrogates and it was so good to hear their stories. As bad as it sounds I loved hearing their not so successful stories. It just made me feel that I'm normal and this is a long and a lot of time not a simple easy process. I am very thankful for their support they gave me today. It came at a perfect time!

The unexpected

Im Stumped! I don't know what to say. The last couple days have been really emotional. I went in yesterday to get my Ultra sound with high hopes of getting good news but in the back of my mind I kept thinking don't tell me if its not thicker. Like in some way if they don't say it, it wouldn't be true ;( I waited so anxiously and it felt like forever. I kept thinking come in here tell me so I can move on.  He came in and the worst at that moment happened.  I went from my uterus being at a 5 on Saturday to yesterday being a 5.3. Its suppose to be about 8.  I know this is just a bump in the road and things will happen maybe even better, but when you expect it will be one way it will crush you.  As the Dr. was telling what to do. He was saying that I need to stop my meds they will freeze the eggs and we'll try next cycle. Maybe we could do a natural cycle. I just looked at him trying to keep my composure and I said oh I feel so bad, I lost it!  Tears were falling off my face. I felt like I had purposefully went out and hurt my IP and now I have to call them and devastate them.   I just loved the Dr and the nurse they put their arm around me and said its ok. I fell in love with this clinic at that moment. I know I'm not the first or last person that will cry in their office but I'm crying over a thin lining and we still get to try. This is not the worst that can happen and they still were comforting me.  

So I left the clinic and I called the IP's oh I tried to sniff it all up and be strong but when I heard her voice I felt so bad. My IM is so sweet she was so strong saying its ok, It will happen when it should, etc. But I kept thinking I know she is being strong for me but this has got to devastate her also. Then I just felt so bad. Here I am the Surrogate I'm not suppose to have the issues. But at the same time I am glad its me! I am glad that its something that can be fixed and its not the end. If it were her than it could be the end.
But as the day went on. I received the call that would help a lot. It was the Dr. he said he doesn't want to give up. He talked with the other dr's and they decided to take me off Lupron. Thinking maybe Lupron has shut down more than it should and I'll take Vitamin E and estrogen still. I go in again on Saturday. They may still need to freeze but they are going to try to get me there by next week. If not we will try a natural cycle. My body just may not like the drugs.

But on a good note Egg retrieval  was today and I haven't talk to her I did get a text that there are 18 eggs...YEAH!!!!! She is still drugged up so I don't have all the story but it so far great news!!!

Thicker thoughts

Yesterday I had a Ultrasound and my Uterus needs a little talking too! She is being very disobedient, and not growing like they would like her to.  So I have to give her more estrogen. They want me ready by Egg retrieval which is looking like Wednesday.

 I have to double my estrogen dose.  Which after my Anger last week I need to warn all of you to be nice to me. I don't want to cry or punch you!!! LOL!!!

YOu need a smack down!!!

So I will blame it on Hormones.  Today a girl was really mean to me but man I got mad enough I wanted to punch her pretty little face in.  So today they were having free gas at a gas station and my husband works for vendor that was sponsoring it. So I thought hey I'll try to get some free gasoline. ( Hey we all could use it with these crazy gas prices) plus my husband was going to be there. So I drive up and its Crazy, cars every were! So I pulled up to one of my husbands Co-workers and said Hi, then said hey hook me up. Well the girl standing next to him that works for the product says " You can get in the back of the line and wait like everyone else" then she turns around. Oh I thought of words a lady should never think of. LOL!!! 

I never get this mad, I get offended but I never want to punch someone pretty little face in :) Today I did :) And this girl works with my husband!!!! 

This kind of reminded me of the time we were in Disneyland I was pregnant with Londyn and we had stayed in a kids suite. It was 9 am we had kids from my aunt, mom and our kids that were excited to get to Disneyland. The kids were running down the hall and a guy opens his room door and says " you guys need to shut up were sleeping in here" with out hesitation I turned around and said """"""" YOU! 

Lets just say Im bipolar when Im pregnant and I felt that mad today :) Man sometimes it feels really good to say how you truly want to say when someones rude!  So BE NICE TO ME IM hormonal!!!! Dang drugs!!! ROFLOL :) now I'm laughing at myself :) 

Never thought diapers would make me cry

 I love this commercial . Every time I see it come on I tear up. Man I am such a baby :) lol  I love the preemie at the end it reminds me of my Quad niece and nephews. They were born at 27 weeks and they had those cute cute bug eyes.  Then of course love the surrogate. Ok I just love the whole dang thing!!!

As the date gets closer

It actually still feels so far away even though its next week. But this last week I have had a little more emotions/feelings about Gestational Surrogacy. I believe it because I am getting a little more involved. I have had this blog for 4 months now and I actually just shared it on FB. I went from 3 followers to 24 in 3 days. Thanks for all your support.   I have belonged on a Surro support group online for 4 months also but I never written anything on it until 4 days ago. I am really realizing that I want the support but then I hear sad stories like one Gestation surrogate  was told by her Intended parents that  they want to cease all contact with her after she already carried their baby. Though I have not heard both sides of the story it still brings worry to me.  It broke my heart!

I am sure my worries comes from some very recent pain of friendships.  I am very giving person and I think of what others need before my needs and sometimes its not a good thing at all. In fact sometimes I think people can see in black magic marker "Im gullible" on my forehead. I always believe everyone is honest and would never want to hurt me. Well guess what it all ways  seems to bite my butt!!! I always say that " I'm done, I want to be less caring". But then I hear my dear friend telling me. I better NOT ever change or she'll kick my ass! Lets just say I am more scared of that. Thanks Jenny :)

As I heard this story, I thought maybe I shouldn't be reading this. It really broke my heart.  But then I realized maybe I needed too and I got up some courage.  I called my Intended Parents and talked to the mom. I brought up that we had talked about contact after child is born before at our first meeting. I had the impression they agreed with me. But I never really got their opinion on this subject.  I had told them I would like to be Aunt Jen.  What I mean by that is a friend of the family. You know spoil them all with Birthday gifts but don't have to be there everyday. I don't want to raise this baby in anyway. But I would love to know if every one is well. And I have a very special place for them, all of them.  Even the rest of the family I have not met yet.  As we were talking it was so nice to hear her opinion. We talked about concerns and thoughts. But it felt really nice to hear that we have a life long bond.  I really think I have the best Intended Parents.

I love all my friendships and I take them very seriously. When it comes down to life changing experiences I take it more serious. I am a volunteer/coordinator  photographer for Now I Lay me Down to Sleep. They are a non-profit organization of photographers that take pictures of Stillborn or infant/child loss. Now I lay me down to sleep has changed my life. With every hospital room I walk into I fall in love with that family. I really have great relationships with many of my families.  So I don't feel any different about this life changing experience.  Sorry now I feel like Im rambling on about why I feel this way. I guess I just wanted to write about it and this blog is for this.   right?  Thanks for listening :)

Im more of a women now

.... Well not really but I'm taking estrogen now.  Lets build a nice lining for a baby to comforted and grow!!

We are now down to the last couple of weeks before transfer and its getting more real to me. I went in yesterday for an Ultrasound and as the Dr. got ready to leave he said " it all looks well lets start stimulation" It made my heart skip a beat. Its all happening and I could be pregnant in as little as 2 weeks. As I talk to the Intended mom I can just hear the excitement of what they have to look forward to. I am so honored I get to do this for them. I am getting a little more worried about the outcome. There is just so many scenario's that can happen. And all I want to be able to do is give them a healthy baby to love.

Thanks so much for all my support and sweet comments Its so nice to hear that people think what Im doing something amazing. I really think Surrogacy is amazing and I love that I have this opportunity to it. Thank you!!!

video

I watched this video and I really liked it.  Thought I would share.
Two men discuss infertility

My stud muffin...LOL

My Husband and I have a bit of a weird relationship according to others. My husband is always making jokes in fact his jokes usually involve me in it or is the punch line. When he first started his current job, he had told all these jokes that made them believe I was a 500 pounds, Zits from head to toe and with NO brain.  Then when I met one of his co- workers He had said " THATS YOUR WIFE!!!!" I think he loves watching reactions people give him as he talks so horribly about me. And the the reactions when they meet me.  I don't think Im a hottie but Im don't look the way he perceives me to be. It makes me laugh.

The other day some one asked me how I can you stand him. Then as night went on and his jokes were flying I was flying back with just as mean comebacks. By the end of the night The same person said I was perfect for my Dork of man.. he he he.

When we were at the clinic we got the nurse into our jokes. She even said I would need my boyfriend to pick me up the day of transfer. But we have decided it would be my girlfriend picking me up..he he he

This week I keep thinking about our relationship and how on the outside people may think we don't love each other but in our home he is the perfect prince... well close too :)  We are very close but  we get to be ourselves.  He gets to do what he wants which is play basketball 4-5 times a week. And me I get to have babies when I want or someone else's baby. He doesn't even have any concern or worries.  I love that he trust me.   I am very smitten by his dorkness.  I love how calm,  caring, and how dedicated he is to his life and our famly. I am very lucky to have such a stud muffin Dork in my life.  Love you babe!!!!

Loves and support for a friend!!

My very best Jenny has had her fare share of struggles of getting her very own spitting up, crying,  pooping baby. It is Time for her to show what an amazing Mother she is.  She is the most loving caring MOTHERLY beautiful sweetheart I know. I love You so much Jenny!!! I want more than anything for you to hold a baby that ruin all your clothes due to bodily fluids :)

  We never thought together we would go through the IVF process together. But here we are!!!!!  She is traveling and  getting ready to do her egg retrieval by this weekend then transfer early next week. Please keep her and her Honey in your thoughts and prayers.

P.s. Also pray for her doggies, they will miss her dearly :)

spilled milk

Today is Day 4 of Lupron, I have no Idea if its why I am crying over everything.  But I am CRYING OVER EVERYTHING!!!!! LOL

And were off

Today was a really big day. I started Lupron today...yeah!!! Then I got a call today from the cutest Intended mom ever and she said the Judge is ok with what were doing and he signed the papers...yeah!!!!

So here we go, we are shooting for a June 5th transfer.  My aunt keeps asking me if I'm scared and I'm not at all. I am not scared of shots or of being able to hand the baby over to his/her mommy and daddy.  But as she asked I realized I could be pregnant in a month! Reality hit and I am not even nervous.

The pill, eat, and sleep

  Ever since I have taken the pill I feel like all I want is food and sleep.  I think this puppy has the right Idea!!!!!

Eggs by the dozen

 

I just had to share this picture. I think I am so funny :) Konni this picture is for you

I have not updated for a while and so much has happened. We signed our lawyer papers 3 weeks ago. It was so cute to see the Intended moms smile while we signed. I think she just was so excited that I really wanted to be her Gestational carrier and I was not backing out. It made me smile. 

We have been waiting anxiously but patiently for the courts to set a date for a hearing and then move on to a cycle. Then last week we found out our file was misplaced and we had to re file. OOOPs and Bummer!!! 

Aunt Flo came last week and I am starting Birth control and were hoping to still do a May cycle still but it may not go as we would hope for. Hopefully we will hear soon. 

I want to say, I have so far had such a great experience except for the couple bumps in the road..lol  But the Intended parents are amazing and they have been so kind to me. I am excited to get to know them more. Then just realizing I am really doing this for someone just makes me smile.  

Support

Today we received the lawyer papers. I am anxiously wanting to read through them with Harris. Hopefully all goes well and we can sign and move forward to a judge signing them. It looks like when Aunt flo comes we will get started to do a transfer in May. I guess we'll see :)

I want to say  I have a lot of support from family and friends and I adore them for being here for me. One thing about this that is I wish I had more support of others experiencing Surrogacy. I do have a friend that I have known since I was 5 and she is also is currently working on being a surrogate for her friend. She has been such a huge huge help. Thank you Care bear. But I do wish I had more. I am new at this and I know I'll be ok with out the support, but I would love to have someone to be able talk to about it. Their are forums. But to be honest they confuse me. Anyway I don't want to sound sad or frustrated. I know I will meet more surrogate friends. If anyone has Ideas to help I would love it?

MAY

I had my IUD out on Thursday. I was thinking oh it can take up to a few weeks before my cycle would start but my luck it started Sunday night.  I called the clinic and they mentioned we could just get started next week on Lupron. The clinic called the Intended parents to see if we should start and try for an April Cycle.  We have decided we will start a cycle first week of May.  Due to we are just getting ready to sign the paperwork and it still needs to go to a judge.

Were moving forward

My test came back and were looking good, I can be a surrogate....YEAH! Thanks so much to everyone who kept me confident that it would be ok! Love you all!!!

The world of fertility

You know I don't know much about the infertility world. I definitely thank god for that. But yesterday as I walked into the Infertility clinic I felt I do not belong here. If the women in here knew they would chase me out with knifes.

 I laughed with the nurse on our way back to do my blood test because there were a few couples and with in a few feet I heard "there are a few follicles," "There might be a weird color discharge but no worries thats the dye," "Oh great your period started today. Ok the next step is," I laughed but as I was leaving It hurt to know that all the couples that I passed by were there desperately trying to have a baby.  I truly felt that here I am worried about one test and these families are worried 2,3, 4 test. There whole future rest on these test. And I am worried about 1 test.

Then as I am reading other blogs of friends that also have infertility issues it just hurts knowing how many people really truly have this as a trial in their life. I just wish I could carry for all of them. Or rub my good uterus ju ju all over them.  But I did read a friends blog today about how she turned it over to god and as she did she was pregnant and didn't know it. And her example had helped so many other women.  I see the miracles and the love that pours out from others during this hardship. I truly have fallen in love with the fact that us women do stick together. No matter our ability to have children.

fate is on a needle

Tomorrow is the day I do another blood test. I am hoping my infection is gone! Please pray for me to healthy and strong. Then next week I hope to have great news!

And the test or was it face slapping

First things first we need to meet the doctor then make sure I am healthy and mentally healthy enough. I set up the appointment to see the infertility doctor. Harris and I went together and the doctor described the process. At the time I had told him I also wanted to donate eggs to my friend. He told me that was a first for him to have someone who wanted to carry and donate at the same time. I did an ultrasound and everything look great and then I had a couple blood test done.

A couple days later the friend that needed a egg donation had called me and told me it was not a good time. It just broke my heart. I would love to be able to help, but with the gestational carrier coming in to play it would mean I would need to donate soon so we could move on with the Surrogacy. I love you miss K and if it works out I would love to still donate.

We had met with a counselor. We needed to make sure I was sane or Insane enough to carry someone else's child. I believe I passed but I am not sure which test I passed sane or insane.

So I thought ok everything is now going to fall into place and were going to start... Wow did I have a huge slap in the face. I am never going to say I need more patients because someone always teaches me patients. I thought ok I am going to call my doctor and remove my Birth control. I called and they said they could get me in March 24th. I just thought that is way to far away. I want to get pregnant now ( well hopefully sooner than later) So my doctors office called me back and said they could get me in February 3rd. I thought it was to soon but I will set it up and cancel if needed.

I called the lawyer right after I made the appointment to ask how long paperwork would take to see if I was jumping the gun. I guess I knew better. I got SLAPPED in the face. That's when the lawyer told me there was an issue with one of my test. Then as he tried to explain it to me I just got more worried and confused. He even explained really well for a lawyer but I am sure I went from "what" to " just tell me it doesn't matter and I still get to be a surrogate" Well I never got that answer.

My heart just sunk and my anxiety set in. I really just felt like someone had came and told me the worst news. I realized how much I want to be a surrogate. For a few days I kept looking into what the test meant and what the worst thing could happen. My mom had reminded me that I had a blessing and I was told it was my choice. That I would get to be a surrogate if I desired. It helped but it still didn't take a lot of my fear away. My anxiety just was not going away. After a couple of days I was driving myself and I am sure with talking about it over and over everyone else was ready to kick the crap out of me. Then I broke down and asked my brother in law to give me another blessing. He gave me some advise to pray with my husband  which has never happened. As a family we just started teaching our kids the meaning of prayer. He had asked me to ask if I am suppose to be a surrogate. When he said that the fear set in. I was really afraid of the answer I would get. I want to be a surrogate but what if I am not suppose to be one. Man my heart was sinking. But I sucked it up and took him up on his advise and instantly I knew I am doing exactly what I am suppose to.  I have been given the choice and the family we fell in love with and Harris had a great feeling about them also. It had all fallen into to place up to this point. It will all work out. Right?

So if everything goes as I hope they will. I will retake the test on Friday and then we will start the court proceedings. Then start a IVF cycle. I really believe that when I let things flow they flow. When I try to force or speed things up. I always get a slap in the face. I have decided I will be calm and allow this little sweetheart come to me when they are ready. When I am ready.

Getting to know with Cheescake

On our way to the CHEESECAKE factory I started to get a little nervous of who was going to be waiting for us. Then when we walked in, there was this cute sweet looking couple waiting patiently on wether they were going to meet their future baby carrier. I instantly felt so peaceful.  I knew then they were a great couple to carry for. Then we went to the table and after an amazing conversation, really hitting it off and CHEESECAKE. I wanted to tell them yes right then but I wanted to talk to Harris first. Harris has an amazing gift of really knowing people well the first time. He gets everyone right, its the crazies thing.

As we left I felt really good about it. They were going to go shopping and I wanted to stay with them because we were having so much fun. When we got in the car I asked Harris how he felt and to my surprise he really really liked them and also had a good feeling. And not because of how the lunch went but because he sometimes has a hard shell to brake. He even said to me which Harris is very quite about feelings he said " K(intended father)  is a better step father than I am."

I have been so proud of Harris. He has been so supportive.  So within minutes of walking in our door I called them back and said
" I want to be your gestational carrier" but with a little carrot cake CHEESECAKE in my belly it was not hard to say yes to.

The first post!

So were do I start? Huh! I waited so long to finally write about this. So most of you already know because I have a big mouth... lol. But I would really like to blog about my experience of being a surrogate. It all started well eight years ago. I have always wanted to be a gestational carrier. But it was important I had my own children first.

About six months ago I called the U of U Infertility clinic asking how you become a surrogate. She told me I needed to advertise. I remember thinking "What!" How do you advertise your uterus. On a billboard along the freeway.  Maybe on a KSL add. Well they both seemed a little wrong. But in Utah their is no Surrogacy clinic.  I was referred  to talk to a Lawyer  here that deals with the Infertility and I have to say for a Lawyer he was so compassionate.  Back in the days he was looking for a surrogate for him and his wife. He talked to me for a hour or so about the process. He sent me over some paper work to fill out and send back. Then I could be stored in his database. Then when a family came to him he could advertise me.

I filled out the paper work, but I never sent it back. I honestly had no reason to not send it back but maybe I wanted to make sure it was pretty and there were a couple scribbles on a page.

So on Tuesday January 4, I have been talking to a friend that we were looking into me donating my eggs to her. That morning we were talking about the laws in Utah. So I thought I bet the lawyer I talked to 6 months ago would know the answers to my questions. I called him up and as were were talking he asked " Did you ever send your papers back for Surrogacy. I am currently looking for a surrogate for a couple families. If you would like can you fax the papers in for me." I told him I would send them in by that night, and I did.

On Wednesday he called me and asked if he could forward my portfolio to a couple families. I told him he was welcome to. Then on Thursday morning he emailed and this is what it read..


On Jan 6, 2011, at 12:41 PM


Jennifer,

I have a couple who is interested in your Profile.  Will you please confirm that it is okay to release your contact information.

Thanks, D

My reply at  3:15 pm

 Hi D,

That was really fast. Yes you may send them my info. 

Thank you so much!  

At 4:00 pm I receive a call from K&J. We are the intended parents and we really liked your profile may we meet you....

Of course Saturday January 8, we met.